But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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