she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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