im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
