I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
