I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
