Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Randomize
