Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
