A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Randomize
