im having a threesome with these popsicles
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
