Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
