whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i just sent this text using only my big toe
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
