using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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