She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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