Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
