My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
so let's talk penis.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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