i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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