Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
