Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
