I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
