Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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