i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
