I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
