I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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