I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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