took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I came so hard my ears popped.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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