theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
