Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
