i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
