Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
