the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
