But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
