A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
