Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
