a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
