I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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