Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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