I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
