I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
