i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
