I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Acid is not a monday night drug
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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