yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
