I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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