i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
