I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
