Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
