Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
