i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I will be naked everywhere
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
