My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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