I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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