True but thats because hes a fetus.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
