My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
